Why can’t people just say what they mean anymore? Why does everything have to be in code? Well, don't worry. I’m here to help you crack the online dating world’s code, and teach you how to read between the lines. ...

Ok, dating is hard, really hard. But throw that together with the extraordinarily embellished and inflated dating profiles, and you’ve got yourself one recipe for disaster. Why can’t people just say what they mean anymore? Why does everything have to be in code? Well, don't worry. I’m here to help you crack the online dating world’s code, and teach you how to read between the lines. So you can tell what their online dating profile is really telling you. 


“I love going out, but I also like cozy nights in”

They have absolutely no idea what they like, or they are just trying to cover as many bases as possible. There is a 100% chance that you either like going out or staying in, so either way, they are the right person for you. Right? Wrong! This is the kind of person that will say anything to please, while at the same time lowly resenting you for not doing what they want. 


“I’ve been told I’m attractive”

Most probably by their mother. This person will probably spend most of the night either fishing for compliments, or have an ego so big, that they spend the whole night giving themselves them. Either way, this isn't an ideal date scenario. 


“I’m not expecting much from this site…”

This means; “I have literally exhausted every single other option of trying to find a partner, and if I don't find one on here I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do with my life…” Yep, some people need online dating guys. They may not want to be there, but they NEED to be there. 


“I work hard and play harder”

So this person hates their job, and needs to drink copious amounts of alcohol every night after work in order to soldier on. Either that, or their inner, late-teen, spring break woo-hoo self never left the building… 


“I enjoy intellectual and stimulating conversations”

If you don't know string theory or the latest super cool indie band no-one has ever heard of, then run now. You will spend a night fighting back yawns and trying to get a word in edgeways with this wonderful ‘intellectual’. A date with this person will be more like taking the SATs than having a nice night out. 


“I enjoy staying active and going to the gym”

If you don't wear fitness gear all day long, drink protein powder for breakfast, lunch and dinner, or look like an underwear model, then they probably aren't interested. If going for an early morning run, or a late afternoon workout isn't your idea of a fun date, then you may want to give this person a miss. 


“I’m a jack of all trades”

Be careful, I’m not sure me, you and my ego can all fit at this table. This is the kind of person who thinks they are God’s gift to this earth. They will literally compete with every little thing you do. Oh, you can only fit half a meatball in your mouth… I can fit four! And, date over.